hi i hate people

It’s often brought on by pain and struggles. Not usually a permenant feeling, but for me it is. Every day I walk into school with the fear that everyone will have their backs turned to me, whispering and laughing. Every day I feel like I walk on thin ice with my friends and with my boyfriend because it’s so hard for me to be normal. I feel like shit all the time and I give my life to please other people. The ones I love the most always get sick of me and find another person to replace me with. I can’t go through this again, I can’t lose someone I love so much like this. What a lot of people think is that just because I have guy friends and I seem friendly with them is because of my fear of worthlessness. I need people to talk to me all the time so I don’t slip into another depression. It’s just so hard for people to understand that if I tell you something, I’m telling the truth and I never want people to feel the way I do. I already lost my best friend because of my need to impress others, I can’t lose you too. I just couldn’t live anymore because I would have no one. Jeff, please understand that I never ever want to hurt you and no matter what people are telling you I never flirt with other guys. I love you so much that I get so scared that I gave up everything I have and one day you might just get bored and leave. Every time we argue I get so scared that I burst into tears but today was the absolute worst. I’ve been crying since the very first text I got when someone told you I flirt with other guys. It hurts me so much that you can’t trust me sometimes but I can’t blame you. I mess everything up and I’m awkward and bipolar sometimes and I’m sorry you have to put up with it. I just cannot live without you. I know I’m young and a lot of people would say I don’t know what love is, but I seriously love you so much like the things you do for me are just so amazing I don’t understand why you even like me in the first place. I never want to be without you and want to be with you for the rest of my life.